I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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