But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
