Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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