lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
