small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
