come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
