About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
