He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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