my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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