I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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