id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize