she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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