He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
