If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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