I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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