I hope mine doesn't look like that
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
two words...techno handjob
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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