Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
