I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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