i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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