the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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