I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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