idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
