worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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