operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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