Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My bed smells like the plague
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
