Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
