rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
