The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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