Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i will never coherently bang her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
