The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
