i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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