Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish you could order shots online.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
