So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
