Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
