my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
