so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
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I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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