Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
