Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
