It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there is glitter all over my balls
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize