Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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