oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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