I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
