We're like a lot better than the average bears
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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