I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
