I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
