Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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