does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
