just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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