I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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