didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
