Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
