Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
