problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
