Need sex. Gaining weight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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