I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
