We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
