i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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