Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize