the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
