so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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