my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
