What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
