im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be still, my beating vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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