Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
