Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
