here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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