my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
