if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
