we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
